So today I'm feeling a bit better. Sad in a way because Ang saw his brother and they were commenting on the new girlfriend he's trying to impress. But then in a way, I'm totally full of energy because a "new" man gave me his number. Have been emailing Adam ever since we met again at Phil's wedding, and now he's given me his mobile number, so since about 1.5 days ago we've been texting a bit. And he's so nice, not sure about the whole height/age thing but is early days yet. And I asked him if he thought I am fat ugly or pathetic and he sent a message back saying "no absolutely not, none of them" and even left a kiss at the end, so I'm now like wow I love him. Haha ok maybe I'm not sure about love yet but I really like him I think and I feel like I can totally trust him. He said he is unashamedly honest and he wants a family and it came out that I do too, but I was like yeh but thats unrealistic now, and he was like it really isn't. So now its like woah scary. And the thing is, I'm so scared of being hurt again, because Ali did hurt me, and also Adam is really good friends with Phil, as well as knowing my parents, so if something went wrong, or w.e. it would all be so open and out there like J and Derek are, and I don't know if I could cope with that because I am such a messed up and not-together person, esp at the moment. And all that inevitable gossip would just complicate things and add extra pressure, which I for one do not need. But I don't even know if he likes me in that way, or wants that kind of relationship with me, so am trying not to be too paranoid, and get carried away about things. But I think I really like him and I need someone who I can rely on, and he seems to be such an awesome wonderful person and is so patient with me! But we'll see how it goes I guess. I don't want to be too clingy and obsessive esp at first and push him away like I did to Ali. But it's so so so hard because I'm paranoid at the moment and also I actually like him. aaaaaaargh but ooh too.