Am sad this evening because spent lots of money on tomorrows fancy dress costume so I look sexy and hes not even going to be there. I was then talking to him on msn later and wanted to go round there to watch a film with him or something, and at first he wasnt sure but now he just says no. I feel so sad and lonely and miss him so much and the time we spent together. Buddies are getting fed up with me not being able to just get over him, but it just isnt that easy. Next time I will be more careful and only fall in love with someone actually worth it. I know he probably isnt worth being sad about and has most likely moved on, even to someone else, but I cant help it I love him and still want to be with him and spend time with him. Which is why I keep trying to go over there, but really shouldnt because it just makes him worse as he knows how much power he has over me. Going to spend time watching stupid films with buddies now to try to take my mind off things. But at the same time, have so much work to do, esp as he was saying how much work hes done and its really panicked me. And yet, I am so lonely and depressed and wish I had someone to hold me, a good, strong, kind, gorgeous man to hold me and kiss me and tell me he loves me. Like he used to, only not drop me like a stone when he couldn't handle being in love.